


Gravity

by MixterGlacia



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Introspection, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 07:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11754717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MixterGlacia/pseuds/MixterGlacia
Summary: They can do all he couldn't do. But now it's up to him. Does he shatter?





	Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> I SOMEHOW NEVER POSTED THIS HERE?! Anyway, have a year or so old drabble my dudes OTL (with a bonus update, P.S.: Defy)

Wash had lost the ability to tell when he was having a nightmare rather than being awake a very long time ago.

 

He couldn’t rationalize it. He’d forgotten what Delta had told him to do. The steps that would help him ease out of sleep, rather than waking up swinging at anything that came near. He wasn’t strong enough to fight back anymore.

 

He learned to grit his teeth. To fake being calm. He would bite his tongue when he realized he was screaming. He secured the one separated room in the barracks so nobody could hear him gasping for breath when he woke up. He’d stuff a towel along the door when he had flashbacks. He never had a quiet night after an episode. 

 

He felt like a broken man.

 

He -knew- he was a broken man.

 

He was limited.

 

He didn’t know what to do anymore. 

 

He couldn’t handle the mornings where he woke up, forgetting his own name. When the walls weren’t familiar. When the first concern was if he’d fallen asleep in his glasses again. (He didn’t own a single pair.)

 

He couldn’t stand when he didn’t remember that his name was David. It usually resulted in him clutching the small trashcan he kept by the bed. Dry heaving had become a morning ritual at this point.

 

He wasn’t the strong man everyone thought he was. He couldn’t be. How could he call himself that when he couldn’t even -sleep- properly? He felt pathetic.

 

He couldn’t let anyone know.

 

The only one that had seen it first hand was one of the causes of it. (Well, there were others but they were all dead or missing.) He probably didn’t even remember. For an AI made up of all the memories he saw, Epsilon was lousy at remembering things.

 

Even Carolina didn’t know the full extent of it.

 

He could never let them know how shattered he really was.

 

**P.S.: Defy**

 

Fuck that noise. He wasn't strong, and the sooner he admitted that, the better he could be for his new found family. They needed something that Wash just might be able to provide. 

 

Faith.

 

Years ago, Connie had shown him something interesting. It was a way of repairing pottery that had been broken. Instead of just gluing them back together and trying to paint over the cracks to mask the damage, this method highlighted the past scars. Glimmering gold was added and it turned the lines into a statement. Kintsugi, was the name of it. The art of finding inspiration and beauty in things that once had been shattered.

 

Wash wasn't a vase, and he couldn't seal the wounds left by all the years of trauma with gold but if he just let himself be faithful for once, he could do anything. 

 

Once more, the shattered man stands. His pieces are joined with glinting steel, ready for whatever is needed of him. Dreams actually happening the way he wanted them to, and banishing the nightmares back to wherever they'd come from. 

 

His name was Wash and he was going to defy the odds.


End file.
